Dude

It's been awhile. I apologize. Pretty much since my last post I've done a mini daytrip and worked. Contain your excitement for me. I know it's hard. Last Thursday the Buff and I took a trip up to DC for the day to be nerds and to visit his parental units. Good times. We saw old shit and it was awesome. It was a much needed day away from the small town, so I give it an A+. Now, as for the weekend....Let me begin my rant. I apologize because this might get long (that's what he said.) Anyways.
1. What part of I don't cook your food isn't getting through your head? Trust me. I'm pissed off that it's taking forever also because due to the kitchen being super busy, it has now jacked up my income because apparently you people think it's my fault that your food is taking forever. Newsflash restaurant patrons, these dudes cook orders for not just the entire restaurant, but they have pick-up orders and delivery orders that they need to get also.
2. With that being said, this place just puts out the food as it's ready. It doesn't ALL come out at the same time, but it usually comes out within a couple minutes of one another. When I say that the rest of your food is on its way, give it more than 7 seconds before you start looking around and giving me the stink eye like I forgot your shit. Like I said, it's on the way.
3. As soon as I put your food on the table don't immediately ask me for ketchup or parmesean cheese. If you'd be fucking patient it's in my apron and I'm getting it. OR, incase you didn't notice, I'm not an alien with 5 arms so once I put your food on the table, i'll get you essentials.
4. For crying outloud, don't ask for extra napkins unless you're going to use them.  I hate to go all hippie on everyone, but if you ask for extra napkins and leave the extras on the table unused, guess what, technically I have to throw those away because they touched the table and all your nastyness probably floated down on them. Don't make me be wasteful because I don't like it.
5. This one can also tie in with number 3. If one more person asks me for straws as soon as their drink touches the table....No fucking shit dick. The straws are in my apron. I know they're there and clearing you do also and if you'd let me free up my hands then I'll gladly reach down and give you one, but don't just assume that I'm going to forget and leave you high and dry. Fuck you. I know how to do my job you impatient rude person.
6. You're in Virginia. Don't just ask for iced tea. We have 2 kinds. Sweet or unsweet. Don't make me ask you which one you want. Same goes for coffee. Regular or Decaf. Options people...Be specific.
7. We don't have Mountain Dew.
8. Speaking of beverages, it shouldn't take you more than 8 seconds to tell me what you want to drink. We have pretty much the same refreshing beverages as everyone else. Just fucking pick one. I can understand taking a few minutes to decide on a beer or wine, but just a regular drink? Seriously. I could walk into a restaurant blindfolded, not even look at a menu and give someone my damn drink order.
9. This relates to number 8. Don't tell me you're ready to order and then make me stand there for another 5 minutes, because, oh wait, just kidding, you weren't ready. I have other stuff to do and if you can't make up your mind, I'm going to go do something else.
10. This can also relate to the above drink rant. If you're sitting at the bar and ask me what beers we have on tap....Are you serious? You can't look the extra couple feet behind me and see the taps as they are sticking out of the wall. I will go out of my way to make you feel stupid by turning around, looking at the beer taps, turning back around, and saying...."those kinds." I've done it before.
11. "Please wait to be seated." It means what it says. Restaurants go by a system when it comes to tables, so don't be rude and seat yourself. I don't give a flying squirrels nuts in hell if you come in that restaurant everyday and spend 10 grand. You can wait to get a table like everyone else. It's rude to seat yourself and then demand service. Go to hell. I have other people who are actually polite that i'd rather wait on and you can now wait, without a menu, because you decided to be a douche.
12. It's not cute to let your child dump shit out all over the table or floor. And don't let them run around in the restaurant! I have accidently hit a kid in the head before with a pizza stand because I didn't see them when I turned around. It's not my fault if you kid gets burned because you're a douchey parent and think it's ok to let them act like that in public. Teach them how to act or better yet, teach yourself how to parent.
13. People who order stuff that isn't on the menu. If you want to be picky, do it on your own time, not mine. You don't have to deal with the mountains of shit I hear from the kitchen because you want to switch around everything you want or you want something made special for you. You wouldn't go to someones wedding and then order some off the wall shit not on the menu just because. So don't do it here. Perfect example...We have a foot long Steak and Cheese special. Some asshole comes in asking for a 12 inch pizza sub. I said "I'm sorry, but I don't know if they'll do that, I'll have to ask." He responds with "Well, they did it Thursday." I'm sorry mother fucker, but did you see my face on Thursday? You definitely didn't. You know why? BECAUSE I WASN'T HERE! I must be lacking on my special powers because I wasn't aware they let you order such a thing on my day off. I wanted to throat slam this kid and the peoples elbow him, like The Rock.
14. Vegitarians. Get. The. Hell. Out. Of. My. Face.
15. This can relate to the one above about me bringing out extras once your food is on the table. Yes I know you need ketchup and I said that i'll be right back with it. Do not give me less than a couple minutes to get this shit. A. You aren't my only table. B. I have food up in the window that needs to be taken. C. There are people at the door waiting to be sat and I can't seat them until I clean off a table. So to avoid losing their business, I'm going to get them sat first. It won't take long and I'm not ignoring you or your request. We only have 2 servers on the floor, so hold the hell on. Don't treat me like I don't know what I'm doing. I've been doing this for almost 10 years so shutup. I'm not your slave.
16. If you ever shake your empty cup at me. I will ignore you and I will blow you up in my mind.
17. Manners will get you far. Atleast with me.
18. If you drink fast, just go ahead and order 2 because it's as annoying as a sorority girl when you drink your entire drink within the first minute that I put it down and then give me attitude when it doesn't magically refill on it's own.
19. 9 times out of 10, if you're food gets messed up. It's the kitchens fault. I'll tell you if it was my mistake and it usually isn't.
20. Girls. Don't be a rude little bitch because your server is a chick and you have a warped sense of reality and think that they're hitting on your dude. I could give 2 shits about your boyfriend and I don't need your dumbass attitude because I have a vagina. There's a road right in front of the restaurant, go play in it.
21. Servers are people too. We have bad days and we don't always want to be chipper and kiss your ass...Unless we're medicated or on some weird shit. No one that I work with is in that category. So please, don't make our day worse by being a dick.
22. Verbal tips don't pay my bills. The end.
23. Don't come in 15 minutes before we close and expect to get 5 star service. The guys in our kitchen, including our owners, work at that place 6 days a week for 12 hours a day. They want to go home, as do I. So either get it to go or go somewhere else. And it's not ok to stay an extra hour after we close so that you can catch up with your buddy. Please leave. We have lives outside of work also. Sometimes. How would you like it if I came to your job 15 minutes before you were supposed to get off work and then kept you there for an extra 45 minutes or an hour. Yeah. That's what I thought.
24. Last call means last call. You don't get special treatment because you're a regular and I'll gladly let you know. Don't give me any shit either.
25. When you're server is talking. Shut. Your. Damn. Mouth. Number 1 it's rude and number 2, you might miss some valuable information. It's very annoying when I come up to your table and ask how you're doing and you either, A. Don't quit talking or B. Ignore me all together and never answer. You're conversation is not that important that you can't give me the courtesy of letting me do my freaking job. Same goes for the rest of the meal. If I'm talking. Your mouth needs to close and stay that way until I'm done because if you didn't hear me ask you for a refill because you wouldn't shut up. Fuck you. Like i said, manners people. Manners. Please and thank you aren't that hard to say.

That's about as long as the list gets right of the top of the noggin. The majority of it is just manners. Use them.  I'm doing this job because I have bills to pay also so don't treat me like I'm beneath you. The end.

Day off number 1

So far so good. I didn't sleep until 1, great success. I ran some errands, also great success and I've pretty much just enjoyed having the house to myself and having it be quiet, sort of. I know that today is Wednesday because, well, I own a calendar. Wednesday means that my new favorite person has put out a new video. Said person being, Jenna Marbles. If you haven't youtubed this chick. Do it. Personally, she reminds me of myself and my friends. She makes people smile, like rainbows, unicorns and skittles do. It's great. Today her new video was a hilarious take on petnames. I know people use them all the time and more power to ya if you do. Personally, I'm not really a fan. I'd rather listen to my boss sing than hear and say that stuff. And trust me, if you've never heard the voice on this guy...Imagine a mixture of dogs howling, nails on a chalkboard, and whatever else you can think of that sucks because that's pretty much the equivalent to his singing ability. I don't think I have ever once in my life called anyone honey, sweetie, sweetheart, baby, etc. It's just not my gig. We were all given actual names and I can promise you that it doesn't say babycakes on my birth certificate. When people are constantly saying baby back and forth to each other, do me a favor, go play in traffic or on a Tarmac. I understand saying it every now and then, it can be somewhat sweet, but when you refer to your significant other constantly by some lame petname, don't mind me if I start dry-heaving in your face. It's probably just the overwhelming stench of shut the hell up that's hitting me in the gag reflex. I'm not hating on the happiness of your relationship, I'm hating on the lack of creativity to come up with something better to call them. Like Jenna says in her video, pick an adjective, a delicious food and an animal. Put the three together and that can be the new petname. Example, sexy skittle monkey. Boom, instant greatness.  Not to mention, original.
That's pretty much all I've got for today. I'm sure sooner or later it will be time to feed a certain someone for his birthday and I might have more stuff to write because we all know going out in public can inspire some divine ideas given the people in this area. With that being said, couples who go out to eat. If you hold hands across the table, I'm almost betting that you're in lust, not love and you both might be psycho and possessive. Of course this doesn't describe everyone, just probably the majority. Rule number 2 for dining out as an item. Don't sit beside each other in the booth. What the hell. You can molest each other when you get home. Sit across from one another like normal people. I actually just realized the can of worms that I opened for myself on this and I don't want to turn this into a 500,000 word blog, so, I digress for now. Hopefully after a delicious dinner and not using the names sweetcheeks, dollface, angel or anything else vomit inducing, I might be back with more stuff for you peeps. Word to your mother.

Rainy days get me wet

That. Is indeed a true statement. I was almost soaked by the time I got to my car after I left the gym this evening. However, I love rainy days. They actually make me happy because it usually means that I can be lazy and sit at home with the dogs. Drink my huge cup of joe, read a book and pretty much give the world two middle fingers. Much like I did today. Except, I didn't get to sit at home, until now. I had my coffee at work, I actually did read a little bit of a porn book that a co-worker thought I should read. Apparently, she thinks my eyes need to be raped with these graphic hump scenes from these characters, but I love her for always providing me with such entertainment. I did however, pretty much give the world two middle fingers on my way out of the door, or maybe it was just to the restaurant industry? Who knows. Anyways, I am now enjoying the rain outside. The good lord must be making it clap up there because we've had some ridiculously awesome claps o' thunder. I'm super thankful to be off work and able to enjoy such an experience. It's like watching Britney Spears shave her head all over again. Sort of scary, but yet for some reason you just seem to love it. Work was an entirely different story today. The ladies that I worked with today can relate, but that's probably it. The word of the day would probably have to be slow, that can describe how business was and can probably describe some of the people I dealt with. Like I said, the people that were there know what I mean. I have a very short tolerance for pretty much everything, let alone for people who don't really know what the fuck they're talking about. If you can't properly relay info so that everyone can understand...Just stop. And if this info has gone so far as to legit piss me off and I express to "leave me the hell alone." Please, obey my wishes because I don't take to kindly to being fucked with just because you think it's funny. It's not. And you just look like an asshole, which makes me look like one because i'm telling you to leave me the hell alone in front of everyone. When angry, I am best left alone. I hope everyone can remember this. I thank you. Other than that, I am incredibly excited to have the next 2 days off, in a row. That rarely ever happens and when it does, it does absolute wonders for my mental state. It's a beautiful thing. I'm sure tomorrow will inspire laziness, maybe a possible workout, some reading time and then of course probably time with the prairie animal that I date because, well, it's his birthday. I have no ideas for gifts so I'll probably just let him indulge in an awesome dinner of his choosing, because honestly, what else do you do for a Buffalo on his birthday. Let him eat, right? Which I'm sure is exactly what his parentals have planned the next day when we take a little day trip to good ole' Northern Va to see them. Maybe while I'm up there I'll stop by the White House and tell those bitches to get this budget thing settled already. You guys are arguing like school children on the playground and can't agree on shit. Come on. And while you're at it, take the money out of your own overpaid ass and give it to the men and women serving the country who make sure your freedom is protected so you can get that ridiculous paycheck. Polesmokers. Hopefully by now I know enough Italians to bail me out of jail incase this plan backfires. We'll see. I'll probably just focus more on eating a good dinner in a larger city at this point. 

Blog virgin

Yes, it means what it says folks. I have never in my life blogged before, but apparently I have enough going on in my mind that my awesome friends think I should be partaking in this whole blog thing, so here I am. You might all be wondering a little about who I am. So, here it goes. Don't judge me monkey. I was born and raised in a small town. I still live in said small town. I also work here. It's a little Italian restaurant that has more personality than most people are born with. I still don't know much Italian from the almost 2 years I've been there, but the words/phrases i do know would make the Pope blush like a little school girl. We have a good time for the most part and i have made some of the best friends while working there. We all get treated like family. It's a curse and a blessing all in one. The girls that i work with are extremely awesome. You can start the jealous feelings now if you'd like. I will be cocky about this because we are more entertaining than Charlie Sheen's meltdown, sorry bro. It's a small little group of girls who actually aren't stupid, don't care what others think, witty as hell and just downright fucking winners. Oh, by the way, if you get offended by language or politically incorrectness, take yourself somewhere else and don't read my thoughts because I can guarantee I'll offend you at one point or another. So, like i said, i work in the restaurant industry. I have ever since i was 16 and I'll be sure to write more on that and the ignorant turds who indulge themselves on coming out to eat in public and making my shift irritating. I have plans of getting a big girl job sometime in the future, but right now this pays my bills and I like the people I work with. A rare thing these days. Hmmm...what else about myself. I like going out with the ladies and making fun of others while we are doing this. I also enjoy randomly humping strangers. It's exhilarating and everyone should try it. Just like one of my other friends said, we enjoy making everyone feel awkward, a girl that I work with is a champ at doing this. It's the most amazing thing to sit back and watch, much like a Britney Spears concert or something.  I like most things non-girly. This doesn't include our borderline lesbian action we create, because, well, that's sort of girly. I curse like a sailor also. With that being said...my ladylike skills go out the window with a vocabulary of that nature. My accent can give you some insight into where I'm from. However, don't use that against me and call me a hillbilly or stupid because that will result in a ball sack being ripped off or a swat to the twat. You have been warned. I like to think that I have more common sense than most people and I think things through entirely to much. It's a gift and a curse. Traveling is something I really enjoy and I'd like to do more of it in the future. If my friends and I could travel everywhere together, the world might not hold as many stupid people after we get ahold of them, but then we wouldn't be so rare anymore, so scratch that. I really can't think of anything else at the moment because I'm torn between the selfishness of telling you who I am, or getting ready for work. I suppose I'll choose the second. I'm sure you'll get to hear all about that in the near future, so sit tight kids. I have many opinions about many things...once again, a curse and a blessing. I seem to have a lot of those, hmmm, but thanks to my friends suggesting I do this, you'll get to hear me bitch about all sorts of things. No need to hide the excitement, I can feel it coming through my computer. I'm actually really looking forward to it, so thanks in advance to anyone who reads this.